"(- Sanzo -) I'll never leave you, as long as you're with me ) says:
lol. sounds like ur having a bad day.."
heh. understatement of 2009 so far. i've been having bad days for quite a period le. ever since 2009 started -.-
i don't know why. life just seems so negative nowadays. i try to do like i did before, looking back at what i've done, realise what has gone wrong, and move on. but now, its like that "application" is no longer valid.
suddenly it feels like it's no longer my life. i'm just a stupid robot moving just because i have to. and i can't make my own choices. i can't go where i wanna go. i can't do what i wanna do.
maybe i'm just not used to sec 4 life. well to hell with it. this f__ing sucks. like i said in my previous post, even band doesnt seem to cheer me up as it did last time.
i feel like i'm in sec 2 again, where i just wanna give up, let go of everything and runaway. but now. i can't do that. i won't do that. i will never do that. that's known to me as cowardice. and cowards suck.
i just don't know what's happening to my life. just now, while walking to TM with my mum and bro, my mum just randomly asked me this," Kenneth, are you stressed in school?"
i was stunned. really stunned. i didn't know what to reply. it was just so sudden. i didn't know what to say.
is it stress? maybe. i'm not sure myself. the only time i felt free again was during PE, playing basketball. i dont know. that seems to be the only thing that can cheer me up nowadays.
i wish i could turn back time, sometimes. for example, sec 3 life was definitely much more relax. i think.
at times, i find myself looking back to my sec 1 days. where a mistake could just be forgiven by seniors scolding or punishing. currently, 1 mistake could ruin everything.. there are no room for mistakes anymore.
just like in sec 1, when i had 2 ---s, ---------- and Band. Mdm ---- asked us to make a choice, coz band members could only have one ---.
i chose band, thinking that it was definitely more fun and i would reap more benefits from it. and sure, i was right. i am enjoying myself. i've learnt a whole lot of things. But still, sometimes, i look back and think, what kind of person would i have been if i had not joined band? i wouldn't have known such great friends, i wouldn't have such a great section, and i wouldn't have known my batchmates.
then, i think of what if i had joined ----------. i would have made other friends, that would be sure. i would definitely have more time for other stuff. i wouldnt have gone thru some unpleasant stuff that happened to me in my life. i wouldn't have given a damn whether TK Band won BDB in 2008 or 2010. i would definitely have better playing skills in ----------.
BUT. i don't regret the choice i made. i love band. band is my life. i would never ever forsake anything else for band. ask mdm halilah xD. today's CE lesson was about self reflection.
everything i wrote about, linked to band. from the most memorable thing that happened to me, to the person that impressed me the most. it all stems down to band. i am thankful to band for molding me to be the person i am.
still, the burden on my shoulders is still there. nevertheless, i'll carry on. till the day i leave. "officially". hehe but of course i'll always be there.
so.. i shall play basketball tmrw morning before band starts since i'm going early. i shall take a vacation for half an hour xD anyone else wanna go? LOL.
