Disappointment.
I don't know how to say this. Today all i felt was disappointment. I felt numb. I've given up. I've given up pushing. I've given up guiding.
You're on your own. I've had enough. Any more mistakes, it's yours, for your own, ON your own.
Interpret things yourself. Read scores yourself. Hit the correct notes yourself. Come up with your own articulation by yourself.
I've had enough of you depending on me.
You have no idea how stressed I feel everytime I hear either of you play a mistake. We don't have much time left. And I'm hearing wrong notes.
I'm tired.
I tried last year. One went off, and another one came. I had to re-teach everything. The moment you came back, i was so happy. I had so much hope in you. Despite telling myself again and again that you can be much better, you've proven me WRONG on so many occasions. Disappointment is very very hurting. Especially if your hopes were high.
I've been lost in thought everytime i scold either of you. Am i wronging either of you? Is your mistake that crucial that it would kill us?
All i know is that each mistake a junior makes, is only because a senior did not teach well.
I've said it before. I want both of you to be perfect. Nobody is perfect, but they CAN be perfect in some areas. i want both of you, with your batchmates, to shine out from TK's generations of trombonists.
WANTS:
SYF 09 GOLD
WMC top 10 places.
2010 BDB.
To be the best senior to the juniors.
To do the best i can in everything i do.
"To be the best senior to the juniors."
That is my ambition, and I believe that not many people share this dream.
It's not an easy dream. It's been difficult. But i had hope. But hope.. is not infinite. People lose hope gradually when bad things occur too frequently.
I've tried my best. Now it's your turn.
