failure.
i seriously feel like one at the moment..
thru the 1.5 hours bus ride from toa payoh to home today..
was thinking alot..
how have i failed as a senior?.. why was i so nervous that i couldnt play properly for DSA?.. Why did i fail in teaching my charges?..
the guilt.. the disappointment..
sometimes, putting up a fake smile when everything inside you is crying out loud is really difficult.. but, I had to do it..
I just couldn't spoil the smiles of the people's faces..
and then i saw my juniors crying.. Imagine how it had hurt me.. If they cried, it means that they made mistakes they were guilty of.. which meant that I, as a senior, have failed terribly in my duty..
mustering all the strength in me, I put up a weak smile, and pat them, saying,"it's over, it was good! that was really great, dont cry!"
sometimes.. facades really hurt alot.
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DSA..
was another epic fail..
was so nervous my hands were shaking...
reached there at 9am.
waited for my turn to audition till 4.40pm.
waited approximately 7 hours before i was auditioned..
was chatting with shannon at first, then he left..
so i made a St Pat friend.. and a few SA ones.. chatted with them.. being the only trombonist.. was pushed to the last to be auditioned, along with one SA tuba..
the moment i went in, was so damn nervous.. all strangers..
sat there, and they asked,"Kenneth, may we hear your scales?"
i stupidly went," which one?"
what a stupid question. epic fail.
then the tuba guy told me,"all the scales."
so i played.. being very nervous because i already embarrassed myself, i played like 2 wrong notes..
then they asked me to play set piece..
after practising for 7 hours straight without resting, my lips felt numb and my tone wasnt my own.. bloody disappointing.
played set piece.. Mr glosz asked," Kenneth, tell me what are the commas on the score."
me:"breath marks."
mr glosz smiled..
apparently i was so nervous i overlooked the breath marks as i played on..
then played choice piece.. which was chosen yesterday.. disgusting..
haii..
then they asked a few qstns, and then i could go..
tell me, how much worse can me life get?
