well well well. it has been a long time, kenned-z.
haha. i've just been having so many thoughts in my head recently. and well.. remembered that i have this blog!
i think no one comes to this blog anymore, so i'm just going to random my way through, like i always do. ;)
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today is the 12th May. which.. should be significant to me, as it's my birthday. But.. i don't know.
Happy Birthday doesn't feel right.
it feels so ironic and sarcastic when people said that to me today.. okay honestly, don't get me wrong. I know what you all mean. haha. i am touched by what you say.
but.. it's just that. i absolutely don't feel happy at all today.. so many things screwed up my day. so did things the day before and many months back.
so.. i was reading through my old posts. and i went to see how i celebrated my birthdays the last 2 years.. Hmm. I realised. I really really miss TK and my friends. I know i was the one who couldn't wait to leave TK. but i regret it, for TK was and still is my second home, in my heart.
i really really miss my friends there. )': in JC.. i don't know. there're so many weirdos and fake people. these people with all their masks. it's just so.. unexplainable.
I wonder whether i made the right choice in going to JC.. really.
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i feel so alone. so worthless. like a spec of dust on the whiteboard. so unloved. so ignored.
BUT! i still have my friends backing me up! and i thank god for them. these people whom god have brought into my life, bringing light with them, expelling the darkness in my life.
I am grateful for them, and i want to thank them for being in my very life, which is so insignificant.
especially you. I don't know what would have happened to me if it wasn't for you.
I probably would have given up and walked away. you were my shining star in my dark night.
In my darkest hours, i would squint for the hint of your hand, to guide me through my darkest nights.
when you fell ill, i prayed that i would be willing to suffer anything, as long as you wouldn't have to. and i thank god for healing you.
however.. that doesn't change things. i'm still insignificant. and i know i have no chance. so i just want to say, hopefully one day you can feel what you mean to me.
signing off, botak-head. )':
